“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” -Lao Tzu
It is with mixed feelings I write this last blog. Life at
the Academy has been a constant whirlwind of information, learning, and stress.
From sun up to sun down I have either been at the Academy or thinking about the
Academy. After 20-plus weeks, things are finally coming to an end. I find
myself spending time now thinking about how the Academy has changed me.
My civilian-to-agent makeover is best epitomized through the
firearms program. I showed up to the Academy with next to no handgun
experience. I’m not even sure you can count my previous interactions with this
tool as “experience”: my uncle shoved a Glock into my hands and had me fire it
a few times. The first day at the range started with an hour of drills without
any ammunition. My hands were unconsciously shaking throughout. I had an odd
mixture of excitement and fear pulsing uncontrollably through my body.
The astute instructors noticed and I was whisked away during
the first break to fire off a few rounds before the rest of the recruits. They
said it was to “take out my nervousness.” To me, it felt like an indication of
weakness. After the first bullets flew down range, any illusions of grandeur
that I might be a natural prodigy at firearms quickly evaporated. As I pulled
the trigger holes appeared sporadically at least 15 inches from where I was
actually aiming.
Midway through the firearms program, I had made some
progress. When I fired, the holes were now starting to group closer together. The
instructors often reminded me to not look at the targets of my neighbors. Many
recruits had arrived at the Academy having shot a handgun for much of their
lives. The instructors wanted each recruit focused on their own progress, not
how they looked compared to a neighbor. This was easier said than done.
When performing drills from the 50-yard line, I was
unfortunate enough to shoot next to my friend (one of those recruits who
basically grew up with a gun in her hands). After firing 12 rounds down range
we walked up to our targets to see how we did.
On my friend’s silhouette, eight headshots. Headshots. From
50 yards. Eight of them. Like it was nothing. I really should never have looked.
Then there was my target. It appeared as if I had fired a
shotgun from five yards away. Holes were everywhere, with next to no pattern. Next
came feedback from our instructors. I will never forget one of the range sergeants complementing my friend on her excellent silhouette (she really is a tremendous
shooter). When he looked at my target, his initial comment revolved around my
hits being so spread out he had no idea what to say to even begin to help. As
he walked away, he turned and added, “but not bad for a math teacher.”
Before anyone gets the wrong idea… I came to law enforcement
after several years teaching math. I love teaching. I love math. There is,
believe it or not, a lot of math in law enforcement. There are also a lot of
calculated mind games, meant to help us shift our self-perceptions.
But, yikes. I had
made progress, but the experience left me highly motivated to be more than just
a math teacher with a gun. I had more
work to do on my transition from civilian to cop.
Fast-forward a few months later to the Top Gun competition
and there stands a recruit unrecognizable from the first. I had spent hours
practicing drills at home. I even managed to weasel my way into extra time at
the range. I knew that the best way to improve was to practice constantly AND get
as much time with the fantastic instructors as possible.
Now the moment I’d been waiting for: the Top Gun competition
used to determine the best shooter in the recruit class. My hands were now
steady, my mind calm and confident at the thought of firing a gun. At the sound
of the beep, I moved with fluidity only repetition can foster. My gun was out
of the holster and shots down range before my competitor each time. The delightful sound of a bullet hitting steel
confidently met my ear round after round.
I wish I could finish this story with a big, “I won!” I
didn’t win the competition, but I did surprise myself. I was the last female
recruit standing as well as one of the last from Lakewood.
My life at range is much like my experience through the Academy.
There have been a lot of things I’ve been awful at. Yet, taught by content
experts, I have been given the opportunity to study, learn, practice, prepare,
fail, and succeed. The hard work I put in to every course, every drill, every
minute has paid off in the end. I exit feeling more confident in my abilities
than I ever thought possible. I am self-assured and competent with the many
tools of my profession, knowing when and how to use them and, equally
important, when not to.
Leaving the Academy, I know I have come so far and relished
many accomplishments. Yet, in reality, I recognize that I have only taken the
first step in my “journey of a thousand miles.” The Academy was only a brief
beginning.
Now it is time to learn how to run in Field Training. Heaven
help the Field Trainers (or at least whomever is tasked with me).
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